Joy to the World

December. the 12th month, out with the old, in with the new. Historically, a very bad month for me.


December 1985 - My little brother is run over by the next door neighbor and dies in Life Flight while enroute to the emergency room. This would send me into a tailspin of rebellion against authority in general and changed forever how I looked at life.


December 1989 - Invaded the country of Panama, lost James Willliam Markewell during the invasion. Jim had served in our platoon as a medic, but was supporting weapons platoon during the invasion. Still, he was part of our company and as a shooter you feel a unique responsibility to bring all your people back especially your support folks and especially medics. They occupy a special place in a Rangers heart.


December 2005 - Dad dies suddenly of a heart attack at 64. I never knew how close I was to him until that very day. The pain has subsided but I don't know that it ever goes away. Another great performance by Wesley over the next year looking at life through the bottom of a bottle. Seems my reaction to any tragedy becomes over indulgence and general rebellion.


So here it is upon me again, December. I'll smile and pretend, it's what I do really well. But it's just another month I hope I make it through.


Travelling to a pretty important meeting this week where I'm sure I will once again find myself as the most under educated individual in the room. Surrounded by Generals and Colonels and Academics and people with masters degrees. I have no idea how I've managed to bluff the IQ for the last 10 years. Many days I long for a simpler time, of shooting, moving and communicating. If you were physcially fit and could do those things well, no one cared if you could sound like you memorized a thesarus before you spoke. But me and my Alief education will put on a top hat, stand on the back of the covered wagon and sell tons of snake oil to all in the room.


I certainly hope the meeting goes well, I'm shouldering a bit of a burden to help make this company and specifically the three individuals I hired successful. I have this habit of normally worrying about and putting others first almost to a fault. I need to know that people who have trusted me for anything can be confident and not worry about tomorrow, even if I spend every hour worrying about them and their success.

It seems I've spent most of my life professing to be someone who "does not give a shit what other people think" but deep down in side does not ever want to let anyone down.

Such a tone of melancholy today, eh?


I'll do some reflecting later in the month on Operation Just Cause. I've booked my trip for the 20 year anniversary in Savannah. 20 years ago, I can remember that call, like it was yesterday, I can remember stepping out of that plane at 500 feet into the darkness and gun fire. The staggering heat and humidity compared to the chill of Savannah we left, the smell of the jungle..anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. More on that later.

20 years ago, alot has happened since then. I don't know that I've grown up too much and my wife would testify to that. I've become more patient and the little shit does not bother me as much, but with the Decembers I've had ( and a few other bad months as well) I can't see any reason not live each day like it was your last. Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going with this post. Reminds me of a Reckless Kelly song, which I think I'll leave on.

Break my Heart Tonight

Well I got empty bottles and legal papers wrinkled up all over the floor
My pen won't write and my guitar doesn't have a song in it anymore
Well I can write another love song, yeah, but first you got to find someone to love
I could write another fight song, yeah, but there's got to be something to be proud of and they say

Misery love's company, but it damn sure ain't lookin' for me
I'll be alright, I just gotta find someone to break my heart tonight
Going out walkin' on Avenue B and I ain't comin' back until dawn
And find some stranger in a Greenich bar to shower my affection upon
Well maybe she'll stay 'til one fateful day when we realize we've got nothin' left
And maybe I'll find she's messed up my mind and I can get back to doing what I do best and they say



Well all these A&R guys keep knockin' on my door
I guess the last batch wasn't good enough cause they keep on wanting more and more and they say



Write what you know and it just goes to show, you gotta write your own destiny
I'll be alright, I just gotta find someone to break my heart tonight, they say
Misery love's company, but it damn sure ain't lookin' for me
I'll be alright, I just gotta find someone to break my heart tonight

Jurena..out