Balloon goes Up - two

Just spent two hours typing only to not be able to post it as an edit because of my this blackberry. So this is a continuation of the post below or part II.

At the time when I needed to be the strongest, I was internally weak and physically I had a head ache from the depths of hell. As I think back on what was wrong at this moment I can only come up with this. We all live under a social compact which in its simplest form says A. I won't steal your shit and B. I won't physically harm you. We typically abide by these because most people are good and also because we have some fear of consequences and or reprecussions. I think we all realize the natural order of the world is chaos or anarchy and we all prefer things to be a bit more copasetic. Now, here I was literally given a license to kill and break this social compact and the only reprecussions would be potential harm or death to myself or my team mates.It was weighing heavy on me that was for sure, to the point of physical illness.

Somewhere over the gulf of mexico we loitered until the sister units could link up as well as the fighter escorts and the bombers who would drop ordinance. During this time I dozed off. I don't know how long I was out but I must have needed it. I was awakened by the air force guy racing back and forth yelling "we've been compromised, they know we are coming!" " They are drawing small arms and grenades, we've been compromised!". Now personally, I see no need to tell me this. Does it make a fucking difference? They might know we are coming when the 500 lb bomb drops or they might figure out when Spectre starts spewing death out of its mini gun, call me crazy but they are going to know we are coming and I don't need to know this. It seemed my head ache had gone, but at this point I was still wondering the wisdom in all this.

Then things got calm and in the glow of the red lights I was able to look into the eyes of the men across from me and to my left and to my right and I saw greatness! I saw men who had trained for this very mission for years and I knew at that moment we would succeed and I would be responsible for leading a part of this success. I was at peace and honestly, I was ready.

I remember encouraging my boys to drink water, going over some last minute details about the objective and the rally point prior, they were both sharp, quick learners, my job was easy.

I don't remember anything else until we hooked up. Ah, yes all that ammo we hijacked was now weighing very heavy on our lower backs. I would say the average weight was about 75 lbs, some more, some less but a lot more than we shoukd have been jumping in.

I remember the door opening and the stale, hot, humid smell of jungle air rushing in. I don't remember much yelling or screaming, just the plane rocking side to side once or twice and then the familiar sound of the static lines on the anchor line cable and the jumpmasters yelling "GO! GO!GO!". I wanted out of the bird. This is a very vulnerable time and all combat jumps to include this one have had Rangers who get shot in the plane. I did not want to be THAT guy.

A Ranger in front of me fell down and I did not think he was going to get up (that ammo again) the problem is, the longer he can't get out, the further I'm getting from my objective. I think he crawled to the jumpmaster and was shoved out. And then I was out.... Into the darkness. Part III..Soon.